Hey friend,
While the Netherlands is rolling towards another heat wave (already fourth this summer), I keep wondering about the questions I have no answers for.
Some days, I am filled with creative and productive energy. Those days, I truly believe I can achieve anything I want. But then “bad” days come. It feels like somebody crept in while I slept and siphoned all the energy out of me. I woke up, I am groggy, my power tank is empty.
On “bad” days, I try following my regular routine, but everything is 10 times harder. Every small action on my to-do list seems like an enormous project. My brain keeps resisting my prompts to do better, to focus, to revitalise itself.
The number of possible reasons why it keeps happening is so large, wondering about them is as useful as just saying “something happened”. Unfortunately, often in this state, the only thing I can do is longing for answers to fix it. Endless attempts in bringing at least a tiny bit of productivity to my day. But the truth is there is no simple answer to that. If you look online or ask LLM enough times, all the reasons cancel each other out, resulting in zero usable advice.
So instead, I sit on the crossroad, completely frozen, not being able to pick between the path forcing myself to work, and the road to self-healing and rest. Instead, I am just gazing at both of them, unable to make a move, self-loathing growing inside of me.
A few days passed, and I can feel like myself again. I can feel the flow of energy leading to the productive work sessions, and satisfying creativity. But there is still a small part of me that’s wondering, why it keeps happening. It sits in the corner, trying not to mess with the productivity, and endlessly asking questions it never can find answers for.
On a more positive note, I have some recommendations for you.
Manchester Orchestra is finding its way back to my music rotation. Beautiful voice and mesmerising atmospheric music are always something I enjoy the most. A Black Mile To The Surface is still the best starting point.
I am in the middle of Things Become Other Things: A Walking Memoir by Craig Mod, and it’s another atmospheric adventure. A mix of learning bits about Japanese culture, beyond expat/travel content, and personal self-reflection. One of those reads where you don’t want it to end. It’s also simply a beautiful book, full of amazing photography, so I definitely recommend getting a hardcover.
The biggest shock movie of this summer to me was Resurrection by Chinese genius Bi Gan. I can’t describe this experience, you just have to witness it. If I’d ever be able to pick the last movie I’ll ever watch, I want it to be this one.
Meanwhile, I am off on a week’s vacation to wander somewhere in the Swiss Alps. Will report back.
Till the next time,
Dima, Amsterdam home.